The Weight of Paradise

Patricia Camden was in the master bedroom of her suburban home, struggling to zip up her large suitcase, while her husband watched, amused. She looked to him and said, “I could use a little help.”

“I believe in you, babe,” chuckled Patricia’s husband, Andrew. “You’ve almost got it.” Patricia put her forearm on the suitcase and leaned all her weight onto it, finally able to zip it up. Andrew, grinning, walked over to her and said, “See. I knew you could do it,” before going in for a kiss.

Patricia turned her lips away before Andrew’s could make their landing, so Andrew settled for giving her a peck on the cheek. “Gee, thanks,” said Patricia. She glanced at the clock on her nightstand, which read 8:45. “Shit! There’s going to be traffic on I-5. We need to leave. Can you get the kids in the car?”

Andrew grabbed her suitcase and said, “I’ll take your bags, you get the kids.”

“Seriously?” said Patricia.

“My single daddy duties start the moment you step into the airport,” replied Andrew, “and not a moment before.” The patting of footsteps could be heard drawing near, and Andrew said, “Speak of the devils,” as their 7-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son burst into the room, still wearing their pajamas, and surrounded Patricia.

Patricia’s identical twin sister, Charlotte Mason, stretched as she awoke in her bed in her modern downtown loft. She was naked and looked over to the naked man still sleeping next to her. She flicked the back of his head, which jolted him awake, and she said, “I need you to leave.”

The man, still a bit dazed, rubbed the back of his head, looked around the room, and said, “What time is it?”

“It’s 8:50,” said Charlotte, checking messages on her phone. “And you need to leave.”

“You’re kicking me out this early?” said the man, lazily. “I thought we could squeeze in a quickie and then go get breakfast.”

“I need to go to the airport,” said Charlotte, “and you need to leave. Like now.”

“The airport?” said the man, wrapping his arm over Charlotte’s chest. “I could drive you. We’ll get breakfast on the way.”

Charlotte lifted the man’s arm off of her like she’d catch fleas from it and said, “No, you can drive yourself home, or to breakfast, or anywhere that’s not here. I’m taking a Fluxride.”

Charlotte arrived at the SeaTac airport and stepped out of her Fluxride. As she walked into the terminal, she used her phone to give her Fluxride driver a 3 out of 5 rating for not having water or a phone charger upon her requests. She was prepared to give him a score even lower, but he did help her get her bags in and out of the trunk. Charlotte made her way through the airport and sat at a cafe close to her gate, enjoying a cup of coffee and a croissant. Her phone was on the table and started vibrating. It was her sister Patricia calling.

“Is this you calling to say you aren’t coming?” said Charlotte as she answered the phone.

“I’m–almost…at–the…gate,” said Patricia, barely getting the words out, panting between syllables.

“I’m at Cloud Nine Café,” replied Charlotte. “I think I see you. There can’t be that many women as sexy as me sprinting through the airport. Come on over.”

Patricia, lugging a stuffed backpack, walked up to Charlotte’s table. She glanced at her watch, not long enough to decipher the time, and while still catching her breath asked, “They haven’t started boarding yet?”

Over the intercom, a woman’s voice said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to begin boarding Flight 327 with service to Kahului, Maui.”

“Sounds like they just started,” said Charlotte. She stood from her chair and continued, “Have a seat and catch your breath. You can finish my breakfast. They’ll be calling Business to board soon, but you’ll have plenty of time before they call basic economy.”

Patricia watched Charlotte walk past her towards their gate. She kept watching Charlotte until she lost sight of her in the crowd of eager passengers that swarmed their gate. Patricia dropped her backpack on the floor, dumped herself into the chair that Charlotte had left vacant, and devoured what was left of Charlotte’s coffee and croissant.

After three days of feasting, snorkeling, and chasing waterfalls, it was the day before Patricia and Charlotte were set to return home from their Hawaiian retreat, and they set out to hike the Kalalau Trail on the Nā Pali Coast. About 8 hours into the hike, the trail had them on the side of a cliff, and Patricia raised her voice over the sound of the waves to ask Charlotte who was ahead of her, “So what are you most excited about getting home to?”

“Are you kidding me?” replied Charlotte. “I’m not looking forward to anything back home. Don’t you think this is paradise?”

“It is…” said Patricia, “but I miss my babies, and I miss Andrew.”

Charlotte halted in her tracks, turned to her sister, and said, “What?” She shook her head and kept walking. “I can’t believe you. All you do is whine about how those little, and this is your word, not mine… ‘devils’ drive you crazy. And Andrew is an asshole. I know firsthand he’s an asshole. He doesn’t respect you at all. Do I even need to bring up that night when you first brought him to Christmas and he came in my room?”

“He apologized for that,” replied Patricia.

“That’s not the point,” said Charlotte. “Trish, you’re leading a life of quiet desperation.”

“I thought that was the mass of men,” huffed Patricia.

“Very funny,” said Charlotte. “I’m being serious. You’re life could be so much more if you wanted it to be. You’re not that old yet; you can make a change.”

“You’re only saying I’m not that old yet because you don’t want to be that old yet,” replied Patricia. Her foot slid on some rocks, and Charlotte stopped and turned to look at her. Patricia was able to catch herself, and the sisters watched as the rocks Patricia had kicked off the edge tumbled down the side of the cliff into the crashing ocean below.

Charlotte smirked at Patricia and said, “Trish, be honest. If you had gone down, your life flashing before your eyes, would your biggest regret be that you couldn’t spend more time with your husband and kids, or would it be that you didn’t experience all the pleasures of life?”

Still a bit shaken from her foot sliding, Patricia continued walking the trail, and as she passed Charlotte, she said, “You just don’t get it.”

Charlotte watched her sister continue on the trail, staring at her ponytail swinging like a pendulum from side to side, and Charlotte followed. “What don’t I get?” said Charlotte.

“You spend your life chasing,” said Patricia.

“I don’t chase anything,” said Charlotte. “I’m the one who’s chased.”

“No,” said Patricia. “You get new things, you go to new places… You have a different guy every time we talk, but you’re never satisfied. You could have the world, and it wouldn’t be enough for you. All I need is my home–my family. I experience all the real pleasures of life because I have them.”

“You have to be kidding me,” replied Charlotte. “And Andrew being an asshole, you don’t care about that?”

“People aren’t just one thing, Charley,” said Patricia. “Andrew has his problems; nobody’s perfect, but when he’s there for me, it’s like the sun is shining on me.”

“And let me guess,” said Charlotte, sarcastically, “your kids are the moon?”

“They’re my world,” replied Patricia. “They can be little devils, but I couldn’t imagine a life without them. When you give birth to someone, you become obsessed with them.”

“I bet,” said Charlotte.

“Like I said, you wouldn’t understand,” said Patricia. “You hardly ever come to see us anyway, so how can you even begin to think you know what you’re talking about? Andrew and the kids would probably forget what you looked like if you didn’t look just like me. Next week I’m going to wake up in a house full of people who need me as much as I need them. What are you going to wake up to? A guy whose name you don’t remember, with a trip planned to a place you’ll go alone? You’ll know no one, and you’ll buy a bunch of stuff you’ll only look at once. That sounds like the life, sister. Charley the chaser. In 40 years, I’ll still have everything I’ve ever wanted, and all you’ll have is m–”

Patricia’s speech was cut short by Charlotte, who grabbed Patricia by the ponytail, slammed her head against the jagged cliff wall, and threw her off the trail. Charlotte didn’t know if she heard screams or not, as she watched her sister tumble down the rocks, finally plunging into the ocean below. Time passed without Charlotte registering it, and eventually the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks pulled her back to the moment.

Charlotte continued on the trail for hours, not focusing on anything other than reaching the end. After three hours of hiking, Charlotte reached the end and found a logbook inside a container. She hesitated for a moment and then signed the book, “Patricia Camden.”

It was night, and Andrew Camden was slowly driving the family minivan through the Arrivals lane at the SeaTac airport, scanning the crowd on the sidewalk. From the back of the van, Andrew’s daughter Emily shouted, “I see mommy. She’s over there.”

“It looks like she got a new haircut in Hawaii, but I think you’re right,” said Andrew. He pulled up to the curb and waved. Charlotte, wearing her sister’s clothes and carrying her sister’s bags, walked over to the van and opened the trunk. She was greeted by her niece and nephew shouting, “Mommy,” as she struggled to get her sister’s large suitcase inside.

Once Charlotte was in the passenger seat of the van, Andrew leaned over and kissed her on the lips, which Charlotte leaned in to with passion. “Whoa,” said Andrew, smiling. He started driving and continued to say, as he pulled away from the curb, “You should go on vacation more often.”

“I don’t think so,” replied Charlotte, grinning. “I have all the pleasures life has to offer right here.”